Respect my Power

Let me tell you about the kind of power I wield over my parents. First the back story: the other day, I was feeling very full and ready to unburden myself of excess waste. My parents put me in one of my favorite places, the vibrating chair. So, while they were not watching closely (they were getting the laundry ready to go), I pooped EVERYWHERE. It escaped the confines of my diaper and got all over my blanket, caked the fabric of the vibrating chair itself, plus gooped up my clothes, my legs, my back and my stomach. I was feeling pretty proud of myself at that point, but the crowning glory is when I convinced my mom, by looking so cute and huggable, to come over and lift me out of the chair. I knew I got her good when she yelped in dismay to see everything, now including her hands, covered in poop!

And yet, I tell you…this is the kind of unsurpassable power I possess…they DID NOT EVEN GET MAD AT ME! Can you believe that? I messed up everything within a two foot radius of my rear end and they had the gall to SMILE. Of course, I could see the veiled looks of disgust on their faces as they cleaned up after me, the way the balled everything up and threw it into the bathtub for a good soak before adding it to the laundry pile, and the way they gingerly pulled my extremely soiled onesie over my head and shoulders, careful not to get poop on my face.

Although my mom will tell you she had to restrain me from putting my dirty fingers in my mouth, I assure you, I was only testing her to ascertain the extent of her already formidable mothering skills. Even I, an infant, know this: one does not eat one’s own feces—it’s in tremendously bad taste.

Now it’s time to take a nap, and dream of new and improved ways to soil myself.

In any event, I just wanted to share with you all just how much influence and control I now exert after just two months of living here. You know you are jealous….

[Editor’s note: in the picture above, Evi sleeps very soundly after her mighty poo.]