Nesting

The stages of pregnancy are pretty clear: First Trimester, Second Trimester and Nesting. In honor of my eight month I have begun the rituals of our ancestors which include such activities as cleaning house and throwing unnecessary items away. Many of you may not think this strays from my typical state of neurotic hyper-cleaning, but I can assure you this is far superior to anything I have attempted in the past. I have vacuumed the oscillating fan. After disassembling, soaking, washing and drying said wind-blower. I used an entire package of Swiffer wet cloths on the kitchen floor. At one time. I have used methods I am not proud of to persuade Dan to get rid of his Mountain View track & field sweatshirt, among other closet-clogging clothing.

Bird (screeching, on the verge of tears): “How many pairs of pants do you need?!”
Dan: “At least one!” This said as he desperately tried to disengage my death grip from the pants he was currently wearing.
Bird: “Think of the baby!”
Dan (obviously missing the point of my plea which was, of course, Think of the Baby!): “Huh?”

And so it goes. I continue to eye the light fixtures menacingly, wishing I could reach them to scour them thoroughly before the baby gets her hands on them. I curse the wainscoting every day for its dust-collecting insubordination. I Clorox wipe our keys. I have pressure washer fantasies…think of the possibilities! And, of course, I find all of this perfectly rational. Think of the baby!