Adventures in Raganland. (part the last)

Hosting our first houseguest in our new, grandiose digs has proven a success. After Ragan departed (grudgingly) on Monday, Dan and I made the observation that our apartment wasn’t so different after he was gone than it was when he was here. As opposed to our old apartment where we rejoiced and did pirouettes through the living room once a houseguest had gone-to celebrate the reclamation of our space. Not to celebrate the absence of friend and/or family member. I swear. Except Mitch.
I believe the adventure left off with Dan at a gig and Ragan and I left to our own devices. We joked that while Ragan was here Dan had so many gigs that he was the one who woke us up at 5am and again at Midnight when he got home. Sans Dan, we had many adventures including, but not limited to: happy hour at Gin Mill, Costco excursion, wine run, Trader Joe’s on a Saturday (I don’t recommend this), French food, a subway incident in which I was punched, our neighbor’s housewarming party, and finally, our own 10 hour long housewarming party.
Really the only two things that need to be expounded upon are the subway incident and the housewarming party, so hear this: it has come to our attention that when we have people staying with us we are more susceptible to the miscreants and other dangers lurking on the subways of NYC. For example, when Mitch was visiting he was approached on a subway platform by a perfectly normal looking guy who proceeded to scrutinize Mitch’s shoes for hidden cameras and demand to know if said Mitch was an American. Enter Ragan. After a very nice dinner (without Dan, of course) we wondered back to the subway a few stops from our apartment. Everything was going as planned (one never plans to be accosted on the subway-at least I don’t) when our attention was turned to a woman in the far corned doing her best to yodel. Loudly. Ragan and I proceeded to go about our business of looking straight ahead so as not to attract her attention, and trying desperately not to laugh out loud. But this was not to be. The woman decided to get up and perform her rendition of pole dancing, dirty dancing and lap dancing with the patrons of the subway. Notice I say “with.” Woman or man, it did not matter to this woman. She was literally grinding up against and straddling anyone in her way. When she finally got to us, we were doing the best we could to avoid contact. But Ragan, as this crack head so eloquently put it, was too much of a “Pretty Boy” to leave alone. And here comes the leg! As she tried to straddle Ragan, she inadvertently straddled me because we were sitting right next to each other. So I pushed her leg off of me to which she replied, “don’t touch me!” HELLO?! DON’T STRADDLE ME! Then I made what everyone claims was an inflammatory comment, “great, Ragan, now we have to wash your clothes.” To which Crack Head Woman responded with “what did you say?” Thus the punching began. She reached across Ragan and punched me in the upper right arm. This caught us both off guard and Ragan put his arms up to ward her off. We both got up, with Ragan protecting me as CHW is throwing punches OVER Ragan to try to get at me. Now, there were other words being hurled at us, but I fear they may be too descriptive for the children or the faint of heart reading this. So please, censor this: CHW was so enraged that she conjured up the most rancid, horrible phrase she could to shout at me. Doo Doo Mouth. That’s right, this woman who was obviously high on something was only able to come up with the insult of Doo Doo Mouth. Ragan and I got off the subway at the last stop laughing all the way up the stairs, grateful to get away from this foul woman. My arm is healing well, the bruise a mere triangle of knuckles at this point, thanks for asking.
As for the housewarming party, it was also a success, but what is there to say about a successful party? We had about 18 people all together throughout the afternoon and evening. I will let the pictures tell the rest of the story.